First week as the 4 Spears...

Well you have survived my meandering mind so far and have obviously come back for more so here it goes. I have to agree with my friend Arnell who posted to me on facebook that it's hopefully at least entertaining for all you to read but it is therapeutic to write as well. Yes, I am kinda off the cuff and pretty brutally honest but the other adoption blogs that I look up to aren't all about unicorns and rainbows. They are about real families having real struggles and really good times too.

I have never watched more cartoons in my life. Like Karl said yesterday, "Didn't cartoons only used to be on Saturdays and if you missed them you were screwed?" Well, all I can say is thank you NickJr, Sprout, and Cartoon network because otherwise I would be in serious therapy. The Lorax is an awesome movie!! Don't get me wrong, the TV is completely raising our kids. It gives Karl and myself a second to actually talk to each other besides the usual, "Grab that kid!" or "Your turn to get the poop sample!" Which by the way is done thanks to Ajura's final ca ca (poop) this evening so Yippee!!! Okay sorry, I have digressed.

So the boys woke up at 6:45 last Saturday morning rearing to go and mom was like please, no!!! Thankfully, her lovely husband is a morning person so Karl pops out of bed, which was easy since he was so worried the boys would be disorientated if they woke up in the middle of the night that he slept on an air mattress on the floor of their bedroom. My reasoning to solve that problem, if they fall down the stairs they will never do it again. Thank goodness Karl is around. I got up shortly there after and Karl's mom and sister came over for breakfast. It was very fun having them around and for them to get to spend some time with the boys before they headed back home. We spend the rest of the day following the boys around the house putting out fires and turning off light switches. Every light switch is a beacon and I know am a firm believer that all light switches should be installed at a height of seven feet. I told Karl that all we do is turn off light switches, wipe butts, and wipe boogers. He agreed. My sister and Brett came over that evening to make us dinner and played with the kids a bit and after the kids went to bed we had a beer with them and my parents stopped by because my dad has a sixth sense for beer and BS. Sweet, adult conversation and beverages. Unfortunately, I was falling asleep at the table by 9 so I kicked everyone out.

Sunday, hmmm, what did we do? The boys decide 5 a.m. is an appropriate wake up time. And oh yes, we decided to learn to ride a bike. Helmets applied, check. Bikes attained, check. Training wheels..., seriously Karl, you forgot training wheels?! And of course it is a Sunday so no training wheel stores are open so guess what we did. Pushed the kids on bikes for 4 hours. No LIE!!! Ahmi is so over learning to pedal because why would one when someone else will just push you. So we finally get training wheels and Ajura is doing pretty good with the bike. Ahmi still would rather sit on the bike and smile and wave. Gosh he is too cute. Maybe that is why he gets away with it. We stick close to home these two days but decide tomorrow to maybe venture out to my parents house. The boys have been doing overall pretty well. Ahmi still has naughty moments and tantrums but there is no more having to hold him down, until nap time. That is a menace, however, it is far worse when he is overtired so it is worth the 15 minutes of screaming. He literally lays there in my arms, kinda wrapped up, and screams for Ajura. It is really difficult that my child screams for his brother instead of Karl or myself. However, as the days went on he would start to scream for Karl, whom he calls either Father or Karl currently which is hilarious. I guess he doesn't scream for me because I am the evil witch holding him down. However, by Thursday, we can get him to nap by just reading to him and out he goes. School is going to be successful for him, haha. Ajura is still painfully quiet with the occasional fits, but also the occasional sweet smile and contagious laugh. His fits are always more extreme and longer lasting. They are icky. We keep to a pretty tight schedule. Wake up, eat breakfast, watch Seasame Street while mom and father discuss the days events, play outside, eat lunch, play inside, Ahmi naps/Ajura has quiet play time, Ahmi wakes and we play outside again until dinner, then we watch a movie, then baths and bedtime. Speaking of dinner, the kids are like vultures, you so much as enter the kitchen and they want to hover and eat everything. We have to watch them because otherwise you notice teeth marks in our uncooked squash that was sitting on the counter. They also don't realize that food has to be prepared and it doesn't just fall from the sky. Ahmi has major crying fits in the evening as we are trying to cook supper because he thinks it should be ready instantaneously.

Monday, another 5 a.m. wake-up call. However, no one has peed the bed so that is good. Karl again does the morning shift. Ajura has a cough and runny nose going on but doesn't seem to sick otherwise. We decide to go over to my parents in the late morning to check out the trampoline and jump on the trampoline with Teha and Brett. Ahmi jumped right onto the trampoline and giggled his cute little butt off and Ajura was more hesitant but eventually with Karl, Ahmi, and me on the trampoline he would jump. Then we were awarded with his fantastic laugh. Ahmi has a great laugh too, it is very Woody the Woodpeckerish. We jumped and then went on a ride in the golf cart. Then my mom made tacos which the boys devoured. Interestingly, we are not having ANY issues with food except that we can't seem to have enough. They eat like crazy! We truly have to limit their eating otherwise they will say they are hungry all the time. Karl needs to start donating plasma... Anyway, after our visit we headed home and did our daily routine. It is nice because during nap time, Karl will usually go and have some time to himself while I spend time with Ajura. Then he gives back by letting me sleep in a bit in the mornings. Works for us.

Tuesday, yet again 5 a.m. After the morning routine we decide to go to the zoo and have our friend Bill take some family photos as we don't have any pictures of the 4 of us yet. The boys enjoy the zoo, Ajura is very nervous and sticks close to Karl without showing to much interest in the animals. We only do about half the zoo so as not to overstimulate the boys. We decide to stay at the park and eat sandwiches for lunch. Ajura just wanted to go home. We decided to make him stay with us (well, duh, it isn't like he can drive yet) and have him realize that once in awhile we need to be outside our comfort zone but know we are here for him and we will always go home. He did finally play on some equipment and sit down to eat with us, however, during lunch we split a bag of chips for the boys to share. Ajura started to steal Ahmi's chips (new parent mistake number 1, never let your two kids sit next to each other), then I said, no share your chips and started taking chips from Ajura's plate and putting them on Ahmi's (probably shouldn't have done that either), Ajura flips out ripping his plate and throwing all of his remaining food on the ground. Thank goodness we were outside at the park. Then he sits there and pouts, refusing to move, talk, anything. So we calmly finish eating and decide it is time to go home. We tell Ajura we are going to all go home but we can't leave until he picks up his mess. He doesn't move. So I take Ahmi and we go into the car and Karl and Ajura sit together and after about 5 minutes he gets him to pick up his mess and get into the car. He refuses to look at us or talk to us for at least another hour once we are home. He snaps out of it shortly after Ahmi wakes up from his nap. The rest of the night is fairly uneventful. I get a phone call from my awesome cousin Kopper who has adopted two children from Haiti a couple of years ago. She is a great support system to us, along with many of our other friends who have traveled this journey. The great piece of advice she gave me was basically this, you can tell those kids that cars fly and they will believe you, you have a great responsibility with this overwhelming power but you also can then set the limits. Your kids should not be getting up at 5 in the morning. They can get up, but they can lay in their beds until you are ready to get up. So I was empowered and when the boys got up at midnight, I calmly put them back to bed and said, "You stay in bed until mom or dad comes to get you in the morning." Amazingly, it works. Most nights. However, the sentence had to be made longer to, "You stay in bed until mom or dad comes to get you in the morning, or if you need to shinty (pee) or ca ca (poop)." We did have our first bed wetting experience after I first laid down the law. This has been amazing for us. Finally we are getting our ca ca together.

Wednesday. The boys got up when Karl went in to get them at 7. Amazing. Not amazing, the fact that I have woken up with the cold from hell. My throat is on fire and my head feels like a bowling ball. Great, I am sure to be an awesome mom under these conditions. Thankfully, Father/Dad/Karl of the year, Karl took the reins and I slept most of the day. I honestly couldn't even really tell you what happened except that we ate dinner together.

Thursday. I am still feeling horrible and apparently Ajura is having a rough one too. This morning, while outside playing Ahmi was having a tantrum so Karl brought him inside to his cold medicine overdosed wife, prior to bringing him in Ajura asked if he could ride bike on the road, Karl said no. As soon as Karl stepped inside he was off to the road. Karl ran out, stopped him and took his bike away. He got mad, took his helmet off and threw it in the ditch and refused to pick it up or walk to the house. Karl then threw him over his shoulder and carried him to the driveway were he pouted. He refused to talk, walk, anything. He has been doing this a lot the past couple of days. Then Karl finally carried him inside and sat him down in the entryway. Ajura then grabbed a beach ball and bit a hole in in so Karl grabbed him and did the hold on him and he just fought for a few minutes and then burst into tears. Tears that lasted for about one hour. This happened repeatedly throughout the day. I asked for help from the adoptive parents on facebook and they stepped up to the task. I was also directed to read a blog from another adoptive mother (who writes much better than I) called "After the Airport." It is an amazing article and it reaffirmed everything the other adoptive parents are telling us. This is normal, this is ok. This defiance, pouting, grudge holding, breakdowns are all normal and will go away. We stayed close to home due to my cold and Ajura's rough day.

Friday. Still sick. Seriously. At this point, when I don't go outside with the boys and Karl, Ahmi points and asks, "Momma Go?" Karl's so, "No, Momma's sick." Ahmi makes the sign for sleep. Great, he thinks he has a narcoleptic for a mom. Ajura is doing much better today. We have worked out our schedule much better and have set firmer guidelines and rules. There is no more chasing the boys in and out of the house. If they go out, it is for at least a half hour (excludes any shinty or ca ca emergencies of course). They have to play either in the rooms or living room. No kitchen loitering. And if you want to watch a movie, you have to watch the movie and not play your leap pad and legos at the same time. This has really helped Karl and I and I think the boys needed it too to help the overstimulation. Our mantra currently is "One thing at a time." The boys had their pediatrician check ups today. All was well but for minor skin stuff and yippee we have to get stool samples. Lab work and shots are coming up next week. Not looking forward to that. The boys played independently in the backyard today, which was a first. They really enjoyed pushing the canoe out from the woods and paddling it in the grass. And to think we bought the hot wheels track...

Saturday. Still sick. Same as Friday for the most part. Went to my parents to jump on the tramp and ride on the golf cart. We took the boys and Kota (my parent's dog) to Misty Waters so they could see her fetch a stick from the water. Ajura is interested in the water but will not get close because he thinks something is going to jump out of the water and eat him, he shakes his head 'no' and takes his arm and goes chomp chomp. Guess that is what they have to teach their children in Africa about rivers and lakes. Interesting. We went back to my parents to eat and after eating the boys are jumping on the tramp and while Ajura is coming down, Ahmi is coming up and hits Ajura in the jaw with his head. Ajura screams and falls down and starts to sob. I am thinking great, we have just broken our son's jaw with the other kids head. Thankfully, the tears are short lived and he will open and close his mouth for me. Ahmi is crying because he feels bad. Time to get back in the car and go home. We get home and both boys nap. When Ajura gets up he eats some fruit snacks which I feel should be a diagnostic test for jaw fractures with how sticky and gummy they are. Later on in the evening Karl takes the boys out with him to help him set up his deer stand. Ajura gets super excited and totally understands that Karl is going to hunt, however, he thinks Karl is going to hide behind a tree and grab the deer by the legs when it walks past. I challenge you Karl to get a deer by Ajura's plan. They thought that was pretty cool.

Sunday. Getting better but still sick. Laundry day. Dear God, thank you for allowing me to be right when I told Karl that the large capacity washer and dryer were worth the extra money. Somehow, half of Ajura's underwear have disappeared. Interesting... Got the last of the ca ca samples today. Yes!!! My parent's and Anne came out to help today as I really needed a nap and Karl really needed to fish. I have decided to start laying out the boys clothes the night before because I was greeted this morning by Ajura wearing a Vikings jersey with olive green sweatpants. Karl was smiling ear to ear. My parents helped with dinner and ate with us. My mom and dad are amazed at the change that even has occurred in a week. I know that things are going to get good and then back to bad during times or transition but I know we will all be ok.

I may tease and joke about the challenges with the boys but we are such lucky parents. With the amount of changes they have gone through in the last week on top of a rough year for them they are truly amazing to me. I have to thank their birth mother because these boys know what it is like to be loved. Thank you for loving them before we could. We will always remind them of your love for them. Ajura has the best dimples in the world and when he laughs it makes you stop in your tracks and smile from the inside out. Ahmi always has this twinkle in his eye and is just like his mom when it comes to waking up from naps, we just need a second before the world jumps at us again. I remember staring at these boys in Ethiopia and to be honest I was scared of them. I didn't know what they were going to do next and I couldn't read them. I have a ton more to learn but I can already anticipate breakdowns as well as excitement. I no longer am afraid of them, I know how bad things can get but they get oh so very good too.